39 Comments
User's avatar
Karen Sutherland's avatar

You lost me at 1979.

I’m 15 years older!

Smile. Often and with dazzle 😊

Expand full comment
Jayne Manfredi's avatar

Haha, yes. Funny how we become supposedly ‘past it’ (horrible phrase, which I obviously rebuke!) when we’re still objectively young.

Expand full comment
Dr Vicki Connop's avatar

Your last line 😂 Brilliant! At 51, I got eyed up and down in an Italian supermarket this year by a hot guy who looked early 20s. Absolutely made my day. Gotta get our kicks where we can 😆

Expand full comment
Jayne Manfredi's avatar

Ha!

Expand full comment
Poorna Bell's avatar

This is truly excellent 💜

Expand full comment
Anna's avatar

It sure is! Loved every word. Thank you for bringing it, and Jayne, into my feed and life.

Expand full comment
Jayne Manfredi's avatar

Thank you Anna. That’s very kind.

Expand full comment
Jayne Manfredi's avatar

Thank you so much!

Expand full comment
Joanna Milne 🏺's avatar

What a lovely article. I especially love the but where you sit down next to the young men. 👌👌👌

Expand full comment
Joanna Milne 🏺's avatar

Even more hilarious 🤣

Expand full comment
Jayne Manfredi's avatar

Thanks! Though they weren’t young. In fact, they were older than me!

Expand full comment
JacqS's avatar

So much of this rings true. When I entered a room in my 20s and 30s I got a rush of excitement as I was checked out by the male gaze. Now I’m 58 the cat is the only one who gazes at me, waiting for a stroke or a treat. The times my stunning 22 year old daughter and handsome 20 year old son come to visit, I scamper alongside them feeling like a tatty old hedgehog.

I want to tell them this is not ME. I am not their old mum.

I weep and moan at my menopausal thinning hair and eye bags. And I am so upset that I STILL value myself for what I look like, not for my mind.

Getting over getting old when you are a woman is bloody hard.

Expand full comment
Jayne Manfredi's avatar

It’s a particular grief isn’t it? I’m still at the start of it. Trying to find reasons to be hopeful!

Expand full comment
Lisa-Marie Cabrelli, Ph.D.'s avatar

This is great writing and so freaking relatable. There are no many benefits to being an invisible ninja woman. It's so easy to forget being that poor girl in the train.

Expand full comment
Jayne Manfredi's avatar

Yes. I wouldn’t swap with her. 🙁

Expand full comment
Alana Kirk's avatar

Fabulous piece…. And I don’t know you at all but you sound very fanciable still!

Expand full comment
Jayne Manfredi's avatar

Hahaha! Thank you. I’ve always relied on the kindness on midlife women 👌🏻😉

Expand full comment
Positively Siân's avatar

Beautifully written! Truly wonderful!

Expand full comment
Jayne Manfredi's avatar

Thank you Sian.

Expand full comment
Kathryn's avatar

Being just passed my 3 score years and 10, I no longer think of myself as attractive. When I get up in the mornings and look in the mirror, I think to myself “did I really sleep with that” 😆. I’ve let my hair go grey, actually I prefer silver, simply because I can’t be arsed doing my roots every few weeks. The only person that sees me looking like I’ve been pulled through a hedge backwards is the Postie. But, which boosted my confidence somewhat, a couple of months ago I went out for lunch to celebrate my birthday. I was dressed up, hair blow dried and straightened, and makeup 💄 done to perfection. The Postie delivering a parcel to the flat next door said “fly me, I didn’t recognise you, you certainly scrub up really well”😊. The BFF said when I told her “you’ve still got it girl”. Compliments indeed 😆!

Expand full comment
adrienne eker's avatar

You write beautifully

Expand full comment
Jayne Manfredi's avatar

Thank you.

Expand full comment
Neelam Ahooja's avatar

Oh my God. 🤣

Excellent timing, 54 on Saturday (and feeling every year of it) and I really needed this post. You are hilarious! Such a gifted writer.

Expand full comment
Jayne Manfredi's avatar

Thank you so much!

Expand full comment
Tamara Atanasoska's avatar

This was wonderful. I have started to feel like this already at 35. I was one of those effortlessly attractive women when younger, on behalf on genes I didn’t earn. Scouted by modeling agencies during random Saturday city walks in my teens, having the weight of the attention(but also the benefit) that comes with it all. Life has been tough the last few years and even my genes couldn’t withstand the pressure of time and harsh circumstances. I thought that invisibility will be a relief. I truly feel safer now and more free to exist in the world, but this feeling has been creeping in. It’s the feeling of lacking a currency. Just a part of aging, and something to process. Thank you for helping with that.

Expand full comment
Jayne Manfredi's avatar

Thank you for this. It’s hard to talk about and acknowledge because we’re not supposed to feel like this, somehow, even though as girls we’re groomed almost from birth to be deeply invested in physical approval. There’s a grievance to getting older that we want to deny rather than experience.

Expand full comment
Emmy Daniels's avatar

The awakening for me was walking down the road with my daughter, then 27 and all eyes were on her.

Expand full comment
Jayne Manfredi's avatar

My daughter’s are 16 and 20, and this awakening has come much sooner for me.

Expand full comment
Emmy Daniels's avatar

Maybe it was already happening and I was choosing to ignore it. Maybe I’ll just walk with my son and stay in denial 😊

Expand full comment
Anne Wareham's avatar

The joy in being older is noticing and being noticed by the really interesting people. Older women! They are the people you really enjoy and who you want to have notice you, so you can have those rewarding conversations. Dress for them - signal that you are interesting and interested.

Expand full comment
Jayne Manfredi's avatar

Older women are my favourite people, by a mile.

Expand full comment
Jane's avatar

I recognise this, and I have no daughters.

Expand full comment
Jayne Manfredi's avatar

Yes, you definitely don’t need to have daughters to recognise it!

Expand full comment
Jane's avatar

Even walking with my tall handsome son, all eyes are on him, and I’m thinking….” I made him, he’s a product of me!’…..just look closely….you’ll see the resemblance….nah? Ok, don’t bother!😉

Expand full comment
Jayne Manfredi's avatar

Haha!

Expand full comment
BH's avatar

spot on mind chat

Expand full comment